I need some advice. With the Christmas season approaching, my five-year old is fully aware that she will soon be receiving a plethora of gifts. As much as I love Christmas, part of me is dreading the stuff that will accumulate in my house and the fleeting manners of my child. I feel like we just brought her down off her birthday-gift high, and now Christmas is around the corner. She has spouted off a VERY long list of things she would like. When toy catalogues arrive in the mail, I try to quickly hide them, but with our mail slot in our door, I can’t intercept them all. And she rarely sees toy commercials on TV since the few shows she watches are generally Tivo’ed (is that a word now, like “Googled?”). But we just received our 4th American Girl catalog in the mail this weekend—she spent a long time on the floor, carefully studying what outfits she would like to go with “Felicity” (whom she likes because of her “purple princess dress”. I like her because her purple princess dress is actually her American Revolutionary garb. Historical dolls are definitely something I can live with.) But there is an endless list consisting of various Barbie toys and accessories, My Little Ponies, room décor, a sleeping bag, a bean bag chair, a purple and pink pogo stick (to go with the blue and red one she got for her birthday)…it goes on and on and on and on. I mean, really, does this look like a deprived child???
And the whole Santa Claus complicates things even more. She pointed out the other day that “Mom and Dad don’t have to buy me very many things because Santa will bring things, too”. She has requested that Santa bring her “Felicity” with brown eyes, because she has brown eyes. When I said Felicity only comes with blue eyes, I was quickly corrected that Santa makes the toys, and Santa can do anything. When I suggested we start thinking of ways we can serve other people during the holidays, perhaps giving toys to children in families who don’t have a lot of money, it didn’t make sense to her—Santa brings toys to everyone. It is indeed a major hole in the Santa Claus story—why would he be inequitable? Brian and I feel a little uncomfortable with the Santa tradition—we play into it, but cautiously. We want our kids to feel the magic that comes from Santa, but we don’t want to weave a web of lies to protect it.
So yesterday I sat her down and we talked about the true meaning of Christmas. That it’s a time to focus on Christ and try extra hard to serve and love other people, and giving gifts is only part of that. We should be more concerned about what we can do for others than what gifts we’re going to receive. She listened, but judging how difficult it was to keep her focused, the 5-year old brain still appears to be impermeable to “bigger picture” concepts.
I am hoping that once the decorations come out, the Christmas lights are up, the nativity set is on the table, the baking begins, the Christmas lessons start, that the Spirit of Christmas will shine through a little more. But I am curious, and I know this is not an original question, I ask you, what have you done to give your kids a memorable, magical Christmas without the emphasis being on receiving gifts?
6 comments:
That is the funniest picture especially with your comment.
This is a huge issue for us, too. My husband's philosophy is to tell and show Jackson exactly how poor people are. I, being overly sensitive, feel like 5 is too young to show my overly sensitive son too much about the "other side of life". (I spend WAY too much time, minimizing Daddy's explainations.) But, we do drop off a toy, that he picks out as something that he would like to have for Toys for Tots. I also helped him go through our own toys and gave them away to some children in the ward last year. (I was amazed at the amount that he was willing to give up.) We always donate food. He loves to put coins in the salvation army pot outside of the stores and he knows that the money is to help people who don't have homes or much food.
One other thing that we do is that Santa Claus only brings one gift for one child. So, it seems more about the magic that he ate the cookies, left the fireplace open, and that the reindeer food was eaten.
I'll be back to see what others suggest. I'd love to have more ideas.
BTW- They really make historical dolls?
I have no idea. But it seems that not having tons of gifts under the tree or in the stocking is the best way to show that Christmas is not primarily about gifts. Another approach may be to focus on the gifts you are giving to other people. It's fun to try and think of what other people would like or need.
thanks for asking this question Jana. I really liked your ideas Denise. The Santa brings one present is a good one. I cringe whenever toy commercials come on the end of a Tivo'd show (usually Dora). Maybe it's the removal of one Christmas, but so far whenever E asks for something she see's it's: "Can you get me this for my birthday?" To which I say "Maybe. We'll see if you still want it when it's your birthday, that's a long time away." But I guess the same thing doesn't work for Christmas. Unless you suggest birthday gifts in lieu of Christmas gifts? I dunno. The giving toys away it good, too. We're in the process of doing that.
The American Girl dolls are pretty neat. I'm actually looking forward to reading the books with Evalyn, but only one doll. I think it's neat that you can order one to match your girl, pierced ears or not even! I'm no help in that department because it's totally something I'd have lusted after as a young girl instead of Cabbage Patch dolls! The accessories are over the top though. I think I'll have to learn to sew doll clothes if/when we go that route.
I think it's important to remember that Ella is still just 4. There will be precious few years in her life that are simply devoted to the joy and magic of all of the Christmas folklore. You are sensitive and aware and you will inevitably raise daughters who will be equally sensitive and aware. But I think it's good to let kids be kids. Of course we all struggle with finding the proper balance when it comes to Christmas.
When we were teenagers and had moved to LA, there was a family in our ward that had figured out where the homeless people lined up on Christmas day in downtown LA for dinner. Our two families would get together in the afternoon on Christmas day and pack about 200 lunches. Then we'd pile into our two vans and drive downtown and hand out sack lunches to everyone who was waiting in line for food. It was a very humbling way to end our Christmas day. The morning was devoted to us and our presents, etc. But the afternoon was spent giving service. We were teenager and therefore ready for the realities of life.
Last year when Henry was 8 he was very sensitive about all the kids in the world who might not experience Christmas the same way that he did. I would let him pick an ornament off of the "giving trees" in the mall anytime he wanted to.
I can NOT wait until I get to buy our first American Girl dolls! I think it's possible that I will be more excited than my girls!
I had to come back to this post because a woman in our ward had a great idea that I think I will try this year. For the gifts from the child's parents, the child gets to pick three things that they really want and put them on a list. These three gifts symbolize the three gifts given to Christ.
Also, check out sofiaschirstmasideas.blogspot.com
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