A Sister

My book group just read “My Sister’s Keeper” by Jodi Picoult, which was truly an enjoyable, thought-provoking read. The book has pervaded my thoughts over the past week; here is a brief synopsis: Thirteen-year old Anna was born to save her sister’s life. Conceived in a test tube, Anna is a close genetic match to Kate, enabling her to provide blood, marrow, and other tissues to Kate, who was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia at age 2. Therefore, whenever Kate in the hospital, Anna is there, too. Anna was first intended to be used only for her cord blood, but as Kate goes through several relapses over the years, Anna continues to provide whatever blood/tissue was needed.

Kate ultimately begins to develop kidney failure and is in need of a donor kidney. Anna decides she has had enough and files a lawsuit against her parents, in an attempt to obtain medical emancipation from them. The book centers on this lawsuit, with each chapter written from the perspective of a different character, allowing the reader a glimpse of each side of the debate. The book brings up interesting questions about the ethics of a designer baby created to save another child’s life, and what rights that child has to his/her own medical decisions.

Although the novel brings up flashbacks of Kate and Anna’s early childhood, it doesn’t discuss what their relationship is like at the point of the lawsuit. I kept wondering what Kate thinks about her sister’s refusal to provide her a kidney. How must she feel that her sister whom she loves so much is sentencing her to death? As Kate enters the late stages of renal failure, how can Anna be so heartless as to not give in? And why doesn’t Anna ever explain to Kate why she won’t donate a kidney? I wondered throughout the book when the two would confront the issue and how Anna would explain it to Kate.

These questions are answered at the end of the book (don’t worry, I won’t give away the entire ending—this is really only a small part of it)-- the day before Anna hires an attorney, Kate has asked Anna to not give her the kidney. Kate knows she will die without it and has decided to give up the long fight and die. In actuality, Anna would have given her the kidney in an instant, but loves her sister so dearly as to grant her this last wish. Her parents, wanting to do whatever is necessary to keep Kate alive, are the only obstacle to giving Kate this wish, meaning Anna, as a minor, must obtain medical emancipation from them.

I’ve been thinking about this powerful bond between sisters. Siblings are truly our life partners—our parents will leave us as we age, and our spouses don’t enter our lives until well after our childhood. Siblings are with you for life (my dear friend Anne Gavin once said to me, “siblings are the only people in the world who truly know how crazy your parents are.”) —and sisters seem to cling more tightly together through it. For this reason, no one can make me madder than my own sister (I once gave Jennifer the silent treatment in a U-Haul from Peoria, Illinois to Portland, Oregon), yet there isn’t a whole lot I wouldn’t do for her. She has always been my biggest cheerleader, confidante and dearest friend. As I look back on our lives it's easy to see how this bond developed and is sustained--sharing a bedroom through most of our childhood, late night giggling and talking, playing make-believe games in the woods, sharing clothes, cross-country trips to see each other, long (often late-night, delirious) phone conversations, taking care of each other post-babies, etc.

And then I look at my two beautiful girls—they’ve only just begun their voyage together as sisters. I am struck at how early this bond forms. Their love for me is already distinctly different than their love for each other.

When Samantha was 3 months old, she already recognized there was something intrinsically different about Ella—her gaze was frequently locked on Ella, and her first real laugh was brought on by Ella’s antics. And then this evening Samantha sat on Ella’s lap for about ten minutes simply stroking her face. Given that Samantha is so young and their communication and interaction is limited right how, how is it that they already recognize this important relationship in their lives? I love that my girls have each other--yes, I hope we'll add a boy to the mix some day, but I can't think of a better gift for each of them than a sister.