Control

A week ago tonight I returned from the Exponent II Retreat in Harvard, MA (it's obviously been a bad blogging week). It was the first time post- Samantha that I have left the fam and gone on an adventure by myself. I will admit, I had a little anxiety up-front about going. Would the girls miss me too much? Would Brian forget about the pre-school carpool or the violin lesson? What would they do for entertainment if it rained ALL weekend? What if the girls ran out of clean clothes? What if the van broke down because I still haven’t gotten around to having it serviced? What if the house caught on fire? What if Ella left the door open and a squirrel got in and ran rampant through the house? What if Brian forgot he had two children and took a trip of his own and the girls had to fend for themselves all weekend?

So I have slight control issues. It has nothing to do with Brian as a competent father—it is much to the contrary. He surpasses me on many fronts (such as the clean, orderly house I came home to last weekend—can’t remember the last time HE got that luxury.) This is also why I am generally the designated family driver. Not because I’m a better driver (a speeding ticket and running over the Dora scooter, which led to a sobbing pre-schooler, have been recently added to my record), but because I can’t relinquish the control.

Last weekend, I did. With parenting AND driving. I drove with two of my good College Park friends, Jenni and Donna, for 8 hours to Boston (Ladies, I never got that picture I wanted of us! Sorry you're not represented!). Jenni drove most of the way, but she did let me get behind the wheel for a few hours. It was the fastest 8 hours--we talked non-stop. Adult conversation. For 8 hours. What a concept. I can’t remember the last time I drove in a car for an extended period of time without having to pacify kids, dole out snacks or sing songs. I did glance at my watch every now and then and think about at what point in the schedule Brian was at with the girls—and I did wonder when my cell phone would ring with clarification questions or some emergency.

But the phone didn’t ring.

As we drove further and further north, we got progressively deeper into Fall. The leaves turn earlier up North and New England was on the verge of gorgeousness.
And then I got to the retreat, and reunited and met some of the most fabulous women ever. There were lots of smart women, honest conversation, a serene setting, yummy food, and a large supply of chocolate and Diet Coke. I also got to be with my two very dear Oberlin friends, Anne and Margaret, who both live in Boston. That meant lots of catching up (intermingled with essential gossip) and some serious Nertz playing (Kathryn, Anne's long-time friend is fortunately down with the game).

Here we are together looking a little unsightly—wet hair, morning time, no make-up. The beauty of Exponent.

And the next day, I realized that I had stopped looking at my watch. I couldn’t remember what itinerary I had left for Brian and an emergency just didn’t seem so imminent. I became engrossed in the workshops, relished in the company of good friends—and I discovered I really had relinquished control.

For you Moms out there—try it. It sure feels good.